In late 2022, I claimed the word “Patience” to guide me through 2023. A quote blurb I found on Instagram shortly after the New Year stated; “Know the difference between being patient and wasting your time.”
Well hot damn.
That wasn’t the challenge I was expecting when I told the universe to test my patience for the year, but it showed up at my doorstep anyway. (Note to self - stop asking the universe for tests.)
Last spring, I decided that I wanted to be my own boss, and run my own business (other than Oberon’s Acres, our little hobby farm) and take control of my time. I wanted more farm and less office. More farm, less bright lights & loud music. More farm, less commuting.
More farm. Period.
Five months into my in-person job, I felt disconnected from my life at home and I was missing out on my opportunity to really dive in and experience my first year as the owner of “Oberon’s Acres”. I had spent a few weeks thinking about how I would always feel this way, and how I probably rushed into making our hobby farm a business. I spent hours thinking about how it would be impossible to support our life while we ramp up farm operations with just market sales.
Ugh - how will I work a full time job somewhere and still be able to achieve my farm goals? In my first year, I’m already learning that it doesn’t work well, but what other options do I have?
And then one day, the mental fog cleared and my internal saboteur took a nap just long enough for me to realize… I could work freelance. Boost those hours up in the colder/winter months and drop them down in the summer. This could be my way - my path to “more farm!”
What will I sell? What are my services? What do I actually want to do for freelance work based on the skills and experience I currently have?
To quote myself from a recent conversation (with a friend), “I know a lot of shit about a lot of shit.” I knew I had to sit down and spend the time really thinking about what brings me joy vs. what steals my energy.
I spent the summer working full time (and a little extra - yay salaried roles 🥴) while operating Oberon’s Acres very part time. In between those things, I also started laying the groundwork for my freelance business; Pivot with Purpose.
I began writing for online publications to build credibility.
I joined a Generalist Collective; of All Trades.
I built the first and second draft of the website I soft-launched in September.
I started local conversations about the services I may provide and began thinking about what my 30 second pitch would sound like.
About four weeks ago, I took the leap off the edge of the cliff and left my full time job. It was a bit earlier than I anticipated (five months into a seven month notice), but with every step I took each day, it was a rhythm to the phrase that had been haunting me all year.
Know the difference between being patient and wasting your time.
Considering the number of layoffs I read about each week on LinkedIn, the fact that we’re in the middle of a holiday season, at the end of most businesses' fiscal year so spending on hiring is likely limited and I didn’t have a single client to start working with, you’d think I would have been trying to be patient for the market to change and find a way to stay at my full time job.
That job was holding me back. With only one of three hires to replace me onboarded, the trajectory for the last two months was that I would be maintaining the same level of work until my last day. This wasn’t just implied, it was communicated that I would just fill the gaps through my last day. It became clear there would be no transition period where I get to slow down. (Yes, you read that correctly. There was a plan to replace me with three people.)
So, I decided to leave. I had to make some hard personal decisions and leaving my job earlier than my original notice was one of them. Not ideal, but here we are.
Later that week, I attended a digital conference formally representing my freelance business in public for the first. time. ever.
With no business cards (yet), no portfolio created, and no clear sales pitch to offer as to why people should work with me, I made a QR code for my website, put on my boss-lady jacket and walked in with my shoulders back and my head held high. Even if I don’t feel confident, I’m going to exude it!
A week after my last day at my job, I sat down in my pajamas to play Mario Kart (I was trying to enter a day of playful rest and I’m really driven to get 3 stars in ever race y’all.) with my cup of coffee in hand and got a message requesting some urgent project help. We knocked out that project and they asked me about future work. So I drafted a contract and created an invoice template and slowly but surely, I’m figuring it out!
My body and my mind have been pretty disconnected through this process for the last month. I’m overflowing with excitement when I do the scary thing I’ve been procrastinating, and the next minute I’m drowning in anxiety that I’ve made the worst decision of my life. The swing between highs and lows right now is pretty wide. I’m looking forward to the pendulum slowing down as I get better at embracing discomfort. And… while I’m working to remain patient. (I really shouldn't have pushed the universe this year!)
I’m in the process of pulling back energy from where it was being spent, and investing in some up-skilling right now. I’m cleaning and organizing the pantry and taking Oberon on multiple walks a day. I’m cooking meals, reading books and sleeping in. I’m speaking to myself with compassion and working really hard to evict my inner saboteur.
I’d like to blame the Tamarack trees for my decision to leap without having first secured my parachute. Tamarack trees are pine but the needles turn yellow and fall off every fall. This occurs because the tree is pulling back nutrients and preparing for winter.
This adaptation of storing nutrients and dropping their needles make larch trees well suited for our tough climate. For example, larch trees are less likely to lose branches from heavy snow loads, compared to evergreen trees that retain their needles.
They turned yellow and I must have taken a subconscious note to begin shedding too. Removing what is no longer serving me and making space for what is to come.
It’s hard to stay in that mindset every day.
It’s hard to remember that life is ups AND downs.
Yesterday felt like a down day. I organized my to-do list by priority and I scrolled far too much of LinkedIn. I scoured freelance websites to see if the juice would be worth the squeeze to create an account and try to find work through those. I rewrote my gigs on Fiverr. I completed the first module of an online course. I did chores, cooked dinner, walked the dog twice, and it didn’t feel like enough. It didn’t feel like progress. It didn’t feel like a good day in my body. My brain kept telling me it WAS enough and that progress is in the little details.
And today, I woke up to a notification from the bank.
The first deposit for Pivot with Purpose was sent over and cleared.
So today, I’m celebrating the win and reminding myself that just like a Tamarack tree, I’m laying the groundwork to withstand the tough climate ahead.
Today my body and my brain are aligned and I’m hoping it’s the first glimpse of what’s to come when the pendulum finally slows down.