to the women
I was chatting with a friend the other day and she had shared that her lady friendships in life were so impactful and important to her. Between hearing my friends story and it being Women’s History Month, I’ve spent a chunk of time thinking about the women in my life.
I’m inspired by the women that are diving in head first to achieve their dreams and goals; business or personal.
I’m in awe of the momma’s I know that are raising kind & loving kiddos in a really scary world some most days.
I’m grateful for the women that have stood beside me while I work to continuously evolve and grow.
I’m privileged to have women I consider wise counsel that I can go to when I am seeking sound advise.
Cheers to the women out there, may we lift each other up so we can all succeed.
practicing patience
I’ve referenced or called myself out in this newsletter a few times for not being a very patient person.
Towards the end of 2022, I realized there were times I was really quick to make decisions. Or, I’d be rushing to get through a task because I was eager to do something else.
Regardless of the situation, ‘something’ went wrong or a mistake was made every. single. time. It’s almost like I had finally woken myself up to my impatience and thus I was more apt to notice it, or at least notice the consequences of it.
We’re raising chickens and the worst part about chickens is winter. Because every chore or task for the chickens increases in frequency and requires bundling up in a bunch of layers. We built our chicken coop and I’ll be the first to admit, it isn’t the right coop for functionality. We’ve modified it twice already and it’s still not optimal. But it’s cute! [Insert Laughing Emoji Here]
We bought a heated water container to avoid the water freezing and needing to be changed every 6 - 8 hours in the winter. And that’s worked as expected, but… it’s a bit tall and really hard to get in or out of the coop without spilling water all over yourself.
I’m grateful to have a partnership in this life with my husband, but he’s really the MVP when it comes to winter chicken chores. He changes the water 97% of the time.
During one of the 3% of times that I actually changed the water, I spilled a significant amount of water where we stand while we are replacing the chicken food and water. There was water all over my boots and the surrounding snow. And then, my husband graciously offered to fill and put the water back into the coop and…
I bet you see where this is going at this point.
…he completely wiped out. Flat on his back in a matter of seconds.
Mistakes happen and slippery snow is a reality on 99% of winter days, but this was a situation that has been replaying in my mind since it occurred. Had I been a little bit slower at taking the water container out, or asked for help, he may not have fallen.
I’m not beating myself up over it, because it was a mistake. But, I am reflecting on why I keep replaying that memory especially when I’m feeling an itch to be impatient. It’s become a great focal point to bring me back to why it’s important to be patient and present.
I don’t make New Years resolutions, but I like to have a word that defines my year. Typically, I choose my word at the end of the year; after the dust has started to settle and a theme for the year starts to emerge. I already decided on the word “patience” for 2023. I’m going to be intentional about where I want to see growth and positive trends this year so here’s what I’ve learned so far…
Being patient is a form of self-care.
I’m already out of my window of tolerance if I’m making decisions, or taking actions in an impatient state. Actually making the decision or taking action pushes me further out of my window of tolerance, initiating a spiral effect for the remainder of the day.
Alternatively in that moment, I can remind myself that we’re on a floating rock and I don’t need to answer the question or handle that request or task immediately. Taking the time to re-center and allow myself to be in my window of tolerance means I’m taking care of myself.
Being patient is critical to allow curiosity.
When I’m impatient, I’m not present so my opportunity for curiosity and learning is greatly diminished.
In my most present state, I have oodles of patience. I think I most often experience this level of patience when I’m on vacation and I’ve intentionally blocked off time to sit and be and exist. It’s those moments when I’m not rushing to the next thing that I feel open to new things; food, relationships, ideas and so on. It’s when I feel excited to explore and feel like I have nothing holding me back.
Being patient isn’t something I’m ever going to perfect.
If I want to be a more patient person, I have to be intentional about practicing patience. It’s not just something I can take a course on, read a book, pass a test and suddenly have that skill.
It’s consistent self-awareness and pausing. It’s accepting the discomfort that comes with being patient. It’s building confidence in my belief and love of self to avoid falling into a people pleasing spiral.
It’s knowing I’m gonna fuck it up sometimes AND it will be okay.
The following is one of my creative writings on growth
burrowing
My perfectly curled hair is blown into a beehive
My skirt is twisted up around my legs making it challenging to walk without tripping.
I strain my eyes as I squint against the dust blowing by my face
The sound of cars and feet shuffling overpower the song stuck in my head
I’m surrounded by a mixture of smells; both garbage and delicious meals being made in the five star restaurants nearby
As I hustle alongside the other shuffling feet, I taste the morning coffee I’ve used as a breakfast replacement for years
And deep within my skin, my bones, my tissue
Deeper still within my veins, my heart, my soul
I am discontent…
With the routine that I’ve created
With the expectation that this is ‘normal’
With people choosing ignorance for their own personal bliss
With racing to make money that only serves the purpose of paying for the things purchased with borrowed money
With trying to walk the thin, nearly translucent line being my authentic self' and being “too much”
With being fed the story that the “white picket fence” life is the best outcome and number one symbol of success
Only I can change my discontentedness though
So I burrow into the depths of my soul in search of solitude
Hoping to feel safe and calm
With longing and desperation for clarity
And it is in the process of burrowing that I am overcome with anguish
The torment of knowing my discontentedness has come face to face with the grueling demand of growth
I must accept being discontent to stay where I am, or…
I must grow.
As I burrow deeper into the crevices of myself, I find bursts of serenity.
Only for a moment I am engulfed in the unclouded brightness of hope
Before the discomfort of growth resurfaces
I know what lies ahead of me on this agonizing path of growth
I know that the agony is temporary and the result is advantageous
I know that I’ve lived through the burrowing period many times before
And I know what follows the process of burrowing is gloriously tranquil
When I have arrived on the other side of burrowing, it will be like the untouched snow covering the downed logs throughout the forest floor.
A silence so profound the only sounds are the heartbeat in my chest, my jacket lightly crinkling as my lungs expand and contract and the wind effortlessly weaving its way through the branches, leaves and pine needles
And just for this moment
As if frozen like the snow on the logs and the icicles hanging from the roof
Just for this millisecond
I am present
I can breathe
I no longer have to burrow
And I am content