When I first started dating my husband, I told him not to buy me flowers. Like ever. Because they just die and then there’s just another dish to wash.
… …
Last week, I bought myself a dozen roses.
Because Miley told me it can be done (and her marketing team did a great job getting that chorus to stick in my memory forever and ever)
Because I just needed a lil pop of color in my dreary winter life
They were 50% off when I was in Target the day after Valentine’s Day
I didn’t even have a ‘real’ vase to put them in, so they sat in a beer mug on the counter for about a week. They didn’t bloom, the sweet smell of roses was lackluster, they died and there was indeed, “just another dish to wash”.
BUT
For the seven days they sat on the countertop between the coffee maker and the toaster, I smiled at them as I’d walk by.
When I was growing up, my dad traveled a lot for work. And when he’d be out of town, he’d send my mom roses. She would keep every dozen to dry and then mixed them together in a decorative basket for the living room.
My mom loved to garden and tend to her flowers. When I think of my mom, I immediately think of roses - to the point that I have a memorial tattoo of a rose with her initials. Does the rose actually look like a lotus? Yes… yes it does. Is that because I walked into a tattoo shop without an appointment and was too eager to say yes to whatever design they showed vs. scheduling a consultation and shopping around for the right artist? Also yes. (Have I mentioned I’m not a super patient person?)
At the same time that I was buying myself some flowers at 50% off, my husband was buying Girl Scout cookies in front of our local grocery store. Thin mints are my favorite. Always have been, always will be. Of course I’ll eat almost every other cookie they offer as well, but if we pass the Girl Scouts, they are for sure getting a Thin Mint sale.
I picked up a smoking habit in my late teens/early 20’s. Recognizing that in the service industry, you really only get a “break” if you’re a smoker, and there’s opportunity to socialize, or vent about table 12 and how they made so many custom requests to their order, they are basically creating a custom menu option now.
I quit smoking just over six years ago. It wasn’t easy and I learned a lot about why I was smoking in the first place. I started off using bubble gum as a way to keep myself distracted from the desire to go smoke. Then eventually transitioned to Thin Mints.
Y’all, I would eat an entire sleeve of thin mints in 5 minutes flat after a stressful meeting. The Girl Scouts made bank on me in 2017! No, chowing down on Thin Mints wasn’t the healthiest option either, but it was better than smoking. And don’t worry, I no longer eat an entire sleeve in one sitting.
My mom was also a smoker most of her life. So the smell of smoke tends to be a comforting scent for me and I’ll gladly stand outside with someone else that’s smoking.
Between the roses & thin mints, my mom has been on my mind more than usual. Specifically, some ‘key phrases’ she said throughout my childhood:
“A leopard doesn’t change its spots.”
“When someone shows you their true colors, believe them.”
Often, these two phrases would be said at the same time, or used interchangeably. I applied this thought process / opinion to every person and situation in my life. It became a building block for my ‘all or nothing’ thinking and it eliminated any room for curiosity and growth.
For the last week or so, I’ve been contemplating the ways these phrases are both true and false.
I’ve clearly changed quite a bit over several years, buying roses for myself being a prime example. My perspective and opinion on buying flowers changed. Even if it was just because I was humming, “I can buy myself flowers” as I walked into the door at Target and the 50% off sign caught my attention. I made a conscious decision to let go of an old opinion and embrace that it’s okay to change perspectives.
I am also working really hard to remind myself to live life with patience. I’m kind of striking out at that currently, but I’m a work in progress! This also shows me that change is possible, when I put my mind to it and act with intention.
On the flip side, I am a stubborn lil lady. When we got Oberon in September 2020, it wasn’t because we were following the pandemic trend of getting a puppy, no it’s because I had been talking about getting a puppy for a - very - long - time and my persistence paid off. And despite the fact that I can now tell my husband, “You were right, puppies are a shit ton of work”, I am still stubborn AF and don’t foresee that changing anytime soon. (I am lucky to have the most patient husband on the planet.)
I have enjoyed smirking at the un-blossomed roses and chomping down on some tasty, tasty thin mints over the last week. I have looked back and thought fondly about memories of my childhood and my mom.
What I love most, is the new reminder that context, circumstances and curiosity are critical to how I show up each day and shift my ‘all or nothing’ mindset.